For me...2011 was “The Year of Transition,” 2012 was “The Year Hard Work Paid Off,” and 2013 was “The Year I Decided to Build Real Relationships.”
Now, every year brings new challenges, and at the end of each December, it’s easy to say good riddance to old rubbish. The New Year is going to be so much better and pain free, right? Not really. The right thing to do, I think, is to reflect on the trials of the “Old Year” and commit to memory lessons learned.
Someone committed to progress avoids the fool’s self-deception that January 1 brings with it the promise of painless growth. In fact, that’s an oxymoron. A fitting one too, because pain endured to uncover a constructive lesson is perhaps not pain at all.
I went through a lot of growth-fostering pain in 2013. The basic foundations of my life -- my career goals and relationships -- were disrupted. Change came fast and furious this year -- more than any of my previous 24 years. Here are some of the highlights:
Most importantly, After 10 years of it being the core reason for every decision I made -- indeed, the thing that at many times kept me from suicide -- I said goodbye to my goal of being elected President of the United States. From the time I was 14, most of my relationships were kept up because I was campaigning every day, so to speak. I collected friends. 700+ of them on Facebook. 250 Weekly Update readers. Because I was so concerned about building a base of support for a political career, I neglected the hard work that takes to build real relationships.
After the dust settled from August’s Jezebel attack and I was sure POTUS wasn’t in my future, I cut my Facebook friends list to <50 and I began a purposeful retreat from all those surface-level commitments -- those organization affiliations that I kept up to make sure people knew of me and my goal. It was self-isolation. For sure. But not a recoil. I watched to see what happened. I wanted to see who really wanted me in their lives.
That sounds like I’m still reeling. I’m happy to say that I am not. As I wrote this fall, I’m excited to have the freedom to invest in the scarce, real relationships humans can truly have. Technology is there, but social networks -- Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc -- obscure the valuable, but time-consuming investment that human connection requires. The internet has live as if “I Share, Therefore I Am” and made us victims of perpetual unhappiness caused by Fear of Missing Out (FOMO).
Well, what I learned in 2013, more crucially than anything, is that we don’t have to be victims of FOMO if we don’t want to be. We don’t have to Facebook stalk friends we won’t ever see in real life again -- High School crushes and long-moved-away acquaintances. I don’t have to collect people. I can and should build real relationships.
Oh, and I should stop thinking I have to sell myself. That’s my resolution for 2014. More on that soon...
Now, every year brings new challenges, and at the end of each December, it’s easy to say good riddance to old rubbish. The New Year is going to be so much better and pain free, right? Not really. The right thing to do, I think, is to reflect on the trials of the “Old Year” and commit to memory lessons learned.
Someone committed to progress avoids the fool’s self-deception that January 1 brings with it the promise of painless growth. In fact, that’s an oxymoron. A fitting one too, because pain endured to uncover a constructive lesson is perhaps not pain at all.
I went through a lot of growth-fostering pain in 2013. The basic foundations of my life -- my career goals and relationships -- were disrupted. Change came fast and furious this year -- more than any of my previous 24 years. Here are some of the highlights:
- I built this website, and with it, this blog -- the Extended Comment. Some of my posts about dating sparked a vicious attack, that drove a knife through my heart but gave me the opportunity to write for a bigger audience, who stuck around to read my blog there after.
- I grew a great deal in my romantic life -- maturing beyond the manipulative, harmful role of a “nice guy” toward a positive, progressive goal as a “Good Man.” That means, for one, doing the honorable thing by not harboring secret crushes on your friends -- respecting them enough to ask them out directly. That also means having the courage to chase after women on the train and down a grad school hallway to ask them out!
- I decided to leave my DC church, because it failed to foster a genuine community of faith I feel God calls for in the Bible. I had found Jesus walking next to me as I struggled to find a reason to live without my Presidential goal (more on that below) and in the middle of my worst nightmare coming true: realizing (or finally dealing with the fact that) the preponderance of people in my life had only surface-level, ephemeral bonds with me.
- I was able to articulate my vision for true interpersonal dignity, respect, honor, and peace: 100% direct -- at all times and with no exceptions -- honesty. This is an ideal, a principle I try to adhere to as much as possible. It is also the expectation I have for other people. By asking of others this kind of communication, I am asking them to respect me as I -- finally -- respect myself. No “I see us as just friends” lines. No deceitful “polite” lies. That means no through-the-grapevine communiques. That means acknowledging only those who meet me on equal footing in communication -- no games of asymmetrical information, no strawman puppetry (even if it’s your therapist, who thinks mistakenly that deception is a healing practice inspiring the trust of a patient).
- I became fully empowered by my existence as an artist. I’m an artist as a writer pursuing the core meaning in all parts of life -- a co-creator of the collective human perception of the world in my public relations job and as a restless explorer of truth and beauty on this blog. I started a weekly audio podcast -- Audio Expressions -- and a weekly news show -- Monday Morning Medley -- to become a better musician, a producer, a DJ, an on-air talent, and a journalist.
- I said goodbye to the Weekly Update email newsletter, after 3 and one-half years in publication.
- I embraced the liberating truth that nobody gives a damn I’m unhappy. I’m still struggling with the reality -- even some close friends don’t follow the content I produce. I devote 10-15 hours a week on my blogs, podcasts, and other productions. It hurts like Hell when even some of my friends don’t notice my efforts. Because of what I learned this year, I’m comfortable saying that I do care what people think of my content. Or rather, what their lack of interest in it says about their feelings toward me. But, the liberation of understanding that loneliness is real lies in doing a damn good job regardless of page views and finding happiness that isn’t dependent on other peoples’ actions (the latter of which, 2013 taught me, is never to be counted on as an indication of doing a good job).
Most importantly, After 10 years of it being the core reason for every decision I made -- indeed, the thing that at many times kept me from suicide -- I said goodbye to my goal of being elected President of the United States. From the time I was 14, most of my relationships were kept up because I was campaigning every day, so to speak. I collected friends. 700+ of them on Facebook. 250 Weekly Update readers. Because I was so concerned about building a base of support for a political career, I neglected the hard work that takes to build real relationships.
After the dust settled from August’s Jezebel attack and I was sure POTUS wasn’t in my future, I cut my Facebook friends list to <50 and I began a purposeful retreat from all those surface-level commitments -- those organization affiliations that I kept up to make sure people knew of me and my goal. It was self-isolation. For sure. But not a recoil. I watched to see what happened. I wanted to see who really wanted me in their lives.
That sounds like I’m still reeling. I’m happy to say that I am not. As I wrote this fall, I’m excited to have the freedom to invest in the scarce, real relationships humans can truly have. Technology is there, but social networks -- Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc -- obscure the valuable, but time-consuming investment that human connection requires. The internet has live as if “I Share, Therefore I Am” and made us victims of perpetual unhappiness caused by Fear of Missing Out (FOMO).
Well, what I learned in 2013, more crucially than anything, is that we don’t have to be victims of FOMO if we don’t want to be. We don’t have to Facebook stalk friends we won’t ever see in real life again -- High School crushes and long-moved-away acquaintances. I don’t have to collect people. I can and should build real relationships.
Oh, and I should stop thinking I have to sell myself. That’s my resolution for 2014. More on that soon...
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